June
27
Surgery
canceled. Infection still present in culture, clear in urine. Very
disappointing, but not unexpected. Before I found out Lea called and
said her painters were back and the house was torn up, so she made
reservations for us at local Comfort Inn. Called her and let her
know it was canceled. I think she may not be comfortable with
Michael staying there, so before the next surgery date, I will have
to come up with another plan on getting up to Irvine.
Anne
Marie came over with the girls in the afternoon. That was good fun,
Michael had had just enough to drink to be able to be silly with
them, and they loved him. He fell in love with them too. But while
they were here, Anne Marie said both Lea and Paula had called her and
were upset about this arrangement. That Ben and Andrea had called
too. I don't know whether to totally believe her or not, frankly,
but if it is true, it pisses me off. I am 68 years old and I know
what I am doing. I realize they love me and are worried, but they
need to have more confidence that I am an adult and not stupid.
Apparently Jarrod is mad at me too, though not for that. I didn't
tell him about the issue with my eyes so he apparently thinks I was
keeping it from him deliberately. I know he loves me too, but I
wasn't keeping it from him, just hadn't had a chance to talk to him
about it, and frankly, figured Anne Marie would fill him in.. It
isn't comfortable for me to think my entire family is upset with me,
but not much I can do about it or willing to do about it. It is
their problem and they will need to deal with it.
Because
of the cancellation of the surgery Michael and I did some drinking
last night again, and had another long talk session. This one was
more interesting on a lot of levels as it dealt with a lot more than
just how he feels about his harem.
The
biggest thing that came out of it was his desire for me to understand
him, good and bad. He emphasized that on several occasions. He
spent a long time telling me about “the monster within” as he
puts it. I will try to explain: Apparently Michael and his sibs all
have had anger issues and are no stranger to violence. Michael
himself says he has worked through those anger and violence issues,
but that while he never seeks violence, when/if it presents itself,
he embraces it, that it energizes him and he loves it. He calls it a
product of his “Nordic blood.” He says that he would never use
violence generally, as there are many other ways of dealing with a
situation, but if I was ever threatened, or Hamish or the girls, he
would not hesitate to use violence to protect us. He told me
repeatedly how much I meant to him and he will let nothing happen to
me. The sentiment is very sweet and very loving and I accept it for
what it is, though he and I both hope it never comes to his
demonstrating that.
He
also talked in more detail about his parents. He has a serious
love/hate relationship with his father who apparently has drug and
alcohol abuse issues and has had most of Michael's life. He has
mentioned his father before, but this time was more indepth. I think
Michael would like to have a relationship with him, he says he loves
him, but then he calls him a cunt and a few other bad names. As to
his mother, he had nothing to say bad about her, except that she is
covered in tattoos and looks like trailer trash. I suspect that in
the future, more will come out about them both.
Michael
loves (so far anyway) living with me. He loves the house and the
property. I don't think he has ever lived in this kind of place
before, and in a quasi-family situation. When we were in Minnesota,
David called his house a bachelor pad, and in many ways it was. Each
one of the men had their own domain and they didn't associate all
that much. It was a nice house, clean, but not well decorated. My
house is small, but lovely and very cozy. Michael helps me in the
kitchen, cleans up after himself, we sit together in the breakfast
room to eat and we plan meals together. An altogether different
experience from what he is used to. He has never lived with a woman
before, except his mother and sisters and that was a long time ago.
This is a generalization, but I suspect when men live together as
room mates they do much as Michael and the two Davids' did. But we
talk and enjoy each other and spend hours together. It is very
interesting to me because, at this point anyway, he would rather
spend time talking with me than playing in game and talking with the
harem. I don't expect it to be like this always, after he is settled
in and we are used to being together, he will spend more time in
game, but right now, it's nice. [Very true.]
After
we came in from being outside, around midnight or so, he took me to
his room to show me stuff. He wanted to share some of the music he
loves with me. He was going through different kinds of music,
worried that I was bored, which I wasn't, and said he had never shown
this to anyone before. Oh, he had played music for people online,
and sent them links, he did that with me, but to have someone sitting
next to him, talking and listening with him, was a new and pleasant
experience for him. He was extremely affectionate the entire evening
which, as I have said before, I enjoy, but it was more spontaneous
and relaxed. He also is much more accepting of affection from me,
even asking for back rubs and scratches from time to time. He has
told me he generally doesn't like to be touched, but he doesn't mind
with me, that he trusts me and is comfortable with me touching him.
I'm glad because I am a very touchy/feely person.
We
ran out of booze during the night and I have no intention of buying
any more. At least not that I will let him know about. He said he
would like some for raid, and I guess I am going to make the drinks
for him. One before raid, one during break, and one after raid. I
will be able to control the proportions and maybe start reducing
those a bit. He also won't be smoking as much as I won't let him
smoke in the house and he is fine with that. He wants to switch to
e- cigarettes, ones without nicotine. Initially more expensive than
regular cigarettes, but much cheaper in the long run. And hopefully
without the nasty side effects.
June
28
Quiet
day, pretty much as expected. I slept in until abut 9:30, almost
unheard of for me, and Michael got up around 11:30. He was sleepy
but in a good mood. We fixed breakfast together, making some orange
strawberry juice in the juicer that was very delicious. We ate
breakfast, he helped clean up. Then we parted as I knew he needed a
day to himself. I saw very little of him. I had to do laundry which
is in his room so saw him briefly then. When my laundry was done he
offered to carry it up stairs for me. Then he gave me a big hug. I
fixed dinner later and we ate together as is becoming our habit.
Conversation was free and not awkward. He has gotten a sunburn and
some hives from all the time spent in the sun outside. He says it
doesn't bother him, but he needs to be more careful. His skin is so
pale it is almost translucent. I need to get him some sunscreen.
It
was a no booze day and he got quieter as the day went on. But he
wasn't cross or upset. The comfort is still there, even when he is
quiet, and that's what I was looking for. He didn't want to talk to
anyone, not even his harem. I left him pretty much alone, and will
do so tomorrow if necessary and for however long it takes for him to
feel sober and recovered. This is where the work begins and I must
just be patient and confident in the fact that our caring for each
other is mutual and real.
Cute
note, I was doing a dungeon with Simon and said I had to go fix
dinner. He said “It's hard being a housewife.” Smart ass. Lol.
I finally got around to telling him about us a couple of days ago.
He and Michael have had their issues in the past, but now that he
isn't raid leader, I'm hopeful it will sort out. He said something
about hearing about drunken penis touching. I laughed and said at no
time had his penis touched me anywhere, then I suddenly remembered
what he was talking about. (Ironically, I know the length and
diameter of Michael's penis because he told me, lol.) That last
raid night, before we left for CA, when Michael and I were so drunk,
we were sitting on the floor together and I put my hand on his leg.
He was only wearing skivvies and started making jokes about me
feeling him up. Talk about hyperbole, but, as the saying goes, the
crowd went wild. I don't think anyone in guild had ever heard me
drunk before and they got a kick out of it.
[Ah, the good ole days before things got hard. We still have good days, but the innocence and "rose colored glasses" days are behind us now. Now we are in the hard work phase of our unconventional relationship."
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